The best disgusting jokes

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings." The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose." The third boy said, "Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt." The first and second boys where amazed. The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?" "No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dad, disgusting, fart
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, hipster
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, winter
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, family, redneck, sex
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
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has 63.12 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I don't like the term "anal bleaching". I prefer "changing your ringtone."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, women
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
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has 62.82 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, disgusting
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