The best disgusting jokes

A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
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has 62.50 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, divorce, food, husband, women
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, ginger
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, game
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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has 61.95 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: computer, disgusting, sex
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm. They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially. The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. "One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning. Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers. "That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work. At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression. "You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
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has 61.91 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: couple, disgusting, fart, Thanksgiving, time
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, school
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex
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