The best disgusting jokes

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 63.30 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, disgusting, travel
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop your pants." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, "Drop your pants." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
Vote: has 62.91 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, disgusting
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
Vote: has 62.88 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food, gay
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Vote: has 62.85 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, ginger
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, marriage