An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! "Shut up and keep digging, boy."
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.