An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind.
It's all coming back to me now.
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Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
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Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!
"Shut up and keep digging, boy."
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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence.
So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat.
He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?"
The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart.
So everybody takes a big whiff.
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Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
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