The best disgusting jokes

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, disgusting, family, food
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
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has 60.00 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money." The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?" The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room. When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him. He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her. Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears. He freaked, "omg she's sick." He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, dirty, disgusting, money
Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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has 59.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, work
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food, gay
A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
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has 58.60 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
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