Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."