That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!
Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common? A: You push them both aside when you eat.