To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics? A: Having two legs.
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.