Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
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Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!
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What do you call an incestuous nephew?
An aunt-eater.
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A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon.
They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do.
Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together.
After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together.
Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom.
After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.
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That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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I've accepted every email offer I've ever received.
My penis is now 235 feet long.
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