A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.
As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
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Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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Do you know what would be sick?
If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner.
Do you know what would be even worse?
If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
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I've accepted every email offer I've ever received.
My penis is now 235 feet long.
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Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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What's green and eats nuts?
Syphilis.
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Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!
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Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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