Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.