What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary? A: It runs in your genes.
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his own tea pe
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!