Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
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An old woman goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?
A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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Q: What can popsicles do that men can't?
A: Come in five flavors.
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Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
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What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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