How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."