Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!