An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps? A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"