Joke #7330

There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo

Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.

Mom! I'm a 3D printer! Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.

What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.

What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.

Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg? Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

I love cats – they taste just like chicken.

Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."

3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!