The best disgusting jokes

A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his own tea pe
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, drunk
3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end." "People who go out of their way to help others have great taste." "An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry." "Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue." "A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble." "The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew." "It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea." "You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried." "If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon." "Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner." "Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
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has 51.86 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, sport, travel
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, holiday
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