Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
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What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef Stroke-n-off
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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