Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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Q: What can popsicles do that men can't?
A: Come in five flavors.
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What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
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Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!
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I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears.
What am I?
Ugly!
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Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef Stroke-n-off
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Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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