Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef Stroke-n-off
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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