I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.