I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body? My dick.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”