I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts!
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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A: A spec.
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Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.
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A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit.
She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off.
So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick.
All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day.
He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights.
All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
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What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
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What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
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