When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second. It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
Not only CAN Chuck have his cake and eat it too, he WILL.
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"