When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor. 
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When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
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Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second.
It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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UV rays are caused by Chuck Norris' smiles.
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