When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor. 
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When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
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Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second.
It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
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Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
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There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... organ donors.
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Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by.
After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway.
"Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival:
First, fix him three healthy meals a day.
Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything.
Finally, have sex and oral sex with him every day."
The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked.
"I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."
Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
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