The best drug jokes

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, political, weed
Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
Vote: has 69.45 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, sex
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Vote: has 69.44 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, drug
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bible, drug, money
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drug, food, life
Chuck Norris once ate a whole bucket of sleepng pills and it managed to make him yawn.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, life
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, drug