The best drug jokes

Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
Vote: has 69.23 % from 114 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, sex
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bible, drug, money
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Vote: has 66.46 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, drug
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, weed, Yo mama
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, weed
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Vote: has 63.99 % from 158 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, sex