The best drug jokes

Q: How do Columbians develop muscle? A: By pushing drugs.
Vote:
has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: drug, ethnic, fitness
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Vote:
has 68.54 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Vote:
has 68.25 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drug, travel
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Vote:
has 64.63 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: drug, sex
Drug test? What kind of drugs are we testing?
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: drug
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Vote:
has 62.98 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: drug, political, weed