The best fitness jokes

Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
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has 70.72 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness, gym
Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted? A: Because he was squatting.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: fitness
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, fitness, gym, time
This guy named "John" asked advice how to lose extra LBS gained during vacation and was told about some new fitness center. So John went to check it out. Walked in, put $10 on the counter and said: "I'd like to lose 10 LBS please?!" The receptionist smiled and pointed to a pink door. John walked slowly into the room and saw only a massage table, a gorgeous scantily dressed woman on the other side. She said in a sexy voice "If you catch me, you fxxx me! " John ran around n round, caught her and... A few days later John returned. He put $20 on the counter and said "I'd like to lose 20 LBS. The smiling receptionist and pointed to a red door. John strutting to the door, and entered where he beheld 2 beautifully attired very hot n sexy women kissing and caressing each other, then they stood up, gazed at John, who was already moving toward them. And they purred "you catch us, you fuck us!" Already in motion, John ran round n round caught one, then caught the other... The following week John went back again. He smiled while searching for the door he knew was waiting for him, and slapped $50 on the counter saying excitedly "50 LBS for 50 bucks." The receptionist pointed to a black door. John strode over with quick steps, opened the door and immediately heard a deep voice belonging to the biggest blackest buck naked she-male say excitedly "I catch you I fuck you!"
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: fitness, money, time, vulgar, women
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness
At the gym: Me: "What does this machine do?" "Sir, that's a bench." Me: "Perfect."
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, stupid
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, IT
I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?
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has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, sex
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, gym, sport