The best fitness jokes

What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
Vote: has 72.56 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
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My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
Vote: has 68.60 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
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One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, fitness, gym, time
Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted? A: Because he was squatting.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
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When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat. The weights do.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
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Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, death, fitness