It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why? A: The Scorpions. Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese. The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats. She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?" An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
Chuck Norris once jumped. Now we have seven Continents and a tilted planet.
Chuck Norris once decided to dig a hole, today we call it the Grand Canyon.
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.