A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A: A good start.
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
In an African city, there was a club that all its members had long dicks. On the other day, an European guy went to register his name in that club. When he knocked the doorkeeper asked the guy's penis length the guy said: "Mine is 10 inches long" The caretaker appeared at the door and begun laughing: "Here isn't a suitable place for you." The porter said, "Look at me I 've turned three time my dick around my waist so I'm only a caretaker and you by a baby dick."
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
Yo mama so fat that she is called America.
When Chuck Norris visits Egypt, the sand didn't burn his feet, his feet burnt the sand, hence the discovery of glass.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer