Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A: A good start.
My friend's dad went to Hungary. I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Q: What was the dentist doing in Panama? A: Looking for the Root Canal!
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!