Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.
A black african man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "That's pretty nice where did you get it?" "Africa" the parrot responds.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.