The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk!
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
Yo mama so fat that she is called America.
Scientis cannot figure out where Atlantis is... Chuck Norris owns a villa there.
How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
A black african man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "That's pretty nice where did you get it?" "Africa" the parrot responds.