Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
Chuck Norris once jumped. Now we have seven Continents and a tilted planet.
Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam... In the Sahara Desert.
Yo mama so fat that she is called America.
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
My friend's dad went to Hungary. I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."