God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.
How to speak Irish: Whale Oil Beef Hooked Say them all quickly.
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?" The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.