A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese. The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats. She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?" An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.
How to speak Irish: Whale Oil Beef Hooked Say them all quickly.
It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?" The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK? A: He can claim Gift Relief.