The best holiday jokes

How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
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has 68.45 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii. On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?” The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, travel
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
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has 65.53 % from 1093 votes. More jokes about: black people, holiday, Thanksgiving
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November? A: Bomb fire night.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: holiday, terrorist, time
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
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has 64.84 % from 394 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, management, religious
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 62.85 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: family, Fathers day, holiday
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