The best holiday jokes

How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
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has 68.61 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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has 67.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, management, religious
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii. On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?” The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, travel
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
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has 65.18 % from 398 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November? A: Bomb fire night.
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: holiday, terrorist, time
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
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has 64.51 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: health, holiday, marriage, wife
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
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has 64.36 % from 1135 votes. More jokes about: black people, holiday, Thanksgiving
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
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