What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
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When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
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Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
It was a hot summer night.
Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple...
I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them.
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.
This parrot was a very nasty parrot.
It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.”
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, “Why the change?”
The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."