Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Ghost Busters call Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
Chuck Norris once shot someone with a knife.
Chuck Norris finds it impossible to understand the concept of impossibility.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.