Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
For Chuch Norris, ANYTHING counts in horseshoes and handgrenades.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
To be roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris means getting his autograph.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
There is no such things as a tornado. Just Chuck Norris proving that ballet ain't that hard.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.