Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He's the Easter Bungee.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Lara Rabbit: "Do you think that's Sophie's natural color?" Zara Rabbit: "Only her hare dresser knows for sure."
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"