Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He's the Easter Bungee.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother panda d to its every whim.