Chuck Norris doesn't jump. He moves the ground away from him.
Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.
Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Chuck Norris leaves potholes when he jogs.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fell down the stairs and broke somebody elses leg.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
Chuck Norris can clog the toilet with his pee.