Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He smokes smoke grenades.
Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread.
Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.
Where was your mom last night? At Chuck Norris' place.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.