Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars.
He smokes smoke grenades.
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Moses did not part the sea.
Chuck Norris accidently did while sneezing.
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When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
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Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
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Chuck Norris once broke the land bike speed record with a bike with a lost chain and a missing back wheel.
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Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.
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Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
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Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
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When Jacques Cousteau reached the bottom of the sea he found Chuck Norris snorkeling.
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When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.
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