Chuck Norris doesn't wear sunscreen, the sun wears Chuck Norris-screen.
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Chuck Norris once threw a pebble.
We now call it...Hayley's Comet.
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When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
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Chuck Norris' jokes don't have punchlines.
They have footprints.
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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Chuck Norris does not wear a seatbelt and reclines his seat before takeoff and landing on an airplane because he can.
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If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
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Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.
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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
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When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
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