Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.
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I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
A: Because he's an egghead.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!"
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot.
For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas.
Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full bull.