Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.
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What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
A creature that stinks to high heaven.
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle.
“That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle.
“I guess it’s hopeless.
That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine."
Which rabbit was in Western movies?
Hopalong Cassidy.
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
Why was the skunk angry?
He was incensed.
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.