Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.