Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!" "There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time. My fee, of course, will be $1,500." Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
What does a cow like to do by a campfire? Roast Moosmallows.
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.