What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
Vote:
What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of Wit.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
Vote:
Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.