What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
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Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA?
It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Show and smell.
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
What’s a black spot between two white spots?
A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?"
Patient: "I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."