Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.
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Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.
White owl: who who.
Black owl: who dat who dat.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.
This parrot was a very nasty parrot.
It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.”
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, “Why the change?”
The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."