Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
"Pa's being chased by a bull!" "Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?" "Get me some film for my camera."
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"