Chuck Norris tried to shave with Darth Vaders's light saber, but the light went out as soon as it realized Chuck Norris was there.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
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The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.
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If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe.
Chuck said, "I don't like the juice."
Hitler heard him wrong.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Where was your mom last night?
At Chuck Norris' place.
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When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
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When Chuck Norris puts toast in the toaster it comes out bread.
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