Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
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Chuck Norris uses gasoline as aftershave just for the pleasant tingling sensation.
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The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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Chuck Norris can spell the longest word in the English language with only three letters.
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Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
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Chuck Norris once made a crippled man run away.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.
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Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
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