When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat , he dosn't hit water... That's because Chuck Norris would never fall out of a boat it the first place.
God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
When Chuck Norris laughs he busts your gut.
Wonder Woman's magic Lasso is actually one of Chuck Norris' chest hairs.
A horror movie is Chuck's comedy.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
The last thing that you see before you die, is Chuck Norris.
A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.