Sliced bread is the best thing since Chuck Norris.
Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive? A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
Chuck Norris can unlock a hairpin with a door.
Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
Chuck Norris built Rome with a box of scraps.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.