Chuck Norris does not need to freeze water to make ice, he just stares at water and scares it stiff.
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Superman and The Flash have a race around the world.
Who wins?
Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
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Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.
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If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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Chuck Norris cuts paper by sticking his fingers out in a V and moving them up and down.
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Chuck Norris ate a sheet of paper, then later found an origami swan in the toilet.
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Once Chuck Norris met a man on a horse that he did'nt like, now we know him as the headless horseman.
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Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.
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Chuck Norris is Darth Vaders father.
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