Chuck Norris only created Russians so he can use them to take over TGI Fridays.
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
When you sneeze, it means someone is thinking badly of you. When you have a seizure and pass out, it means Chuck Norris is thinking badly
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick me for being stupid.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.