Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. "Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!" After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.
Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."