The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
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Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano?
His undertaker.
Golf
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great!
NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
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Yo mama so fat when she was swimming in the ocean the indians claimed her as the new land.
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
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Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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