The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
The coach says to the boxer encouragement words: The other one will surely win, but at least look at the cameras and smile...
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
What's a bee's favourite sport? Rugbee.
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."