One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
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To finally solve whether Mona-Lisa is smiling or not, Chuck Norris took a quick look at it.
She's crying
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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
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Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
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[ancient greece]
Teacher: "What have you all chosen for your thesis?"
Hippocrates: "I'm laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine."
Socrates: "I am examining what it means to be."
Ptolemy: "Uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear?"
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
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Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..."
In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"