Joke #14258

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain." His wife asked, "How do you know?" "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Q: Why do Americans like black candles? A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.

Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..." In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"

Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"

The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.

“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.

DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.

Yo Mama so old... When she was at school...there was No history class!

Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.

[ancient greece] Teacher: "What have you all chosen for your thesis?" Hippocrates: "I'm laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine." Socrates: "I am examining what it means to be." Ptolemy: "Uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear?"