Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
To finally solve whether Mona-Lisa is smiling or not, Chuck Norris took a quick look at it. She's crying
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can write history of the future.
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.
Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.