The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can write history of the future.
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kicks your ass.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can make you feel a punch to your face in your groin.
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.