Q:Why did the cow cross the road?
A:To go to the moo-vies.
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"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?"
The dad replies, "Sure you are son.
Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?"
She answers, "Of course you are honey.
Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."
Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?"
His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie.
Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.
Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
On the street strolls a chick dressed with fur from head to toes.
Near hear another chick stops and says to hear:
Do you imagine how many animals they had to kill for this coat?
But do you know with how many animals I had to sleep with for it?