Q:Why did the cow cross the road? A:To go to the moo-vies.
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
White owl: who who. Black owl: who dat who dat.
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.