How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights?
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What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family."
Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants.
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Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
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A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.
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Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.