Joke #2591

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.

Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.

A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has! She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina?? She replies; he is a carpenter miss. The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain. Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says. What job does your daddy have Robert?? He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid. No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell! Ok then miss you got me i confess......................................... HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream? Aston Vanilla.

I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"