Joke #2519

How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”
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has 77.45 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, lawyer, money
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers? From professional courtesy.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
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has 78.89 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, men, tax
Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. I don't understand, Cindy complained. When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that? Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, work
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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has 68.26 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money