How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore?
A good start...
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The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town;
"Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father.
"How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity.
If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia.
There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed.
Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."