Joke #2531

Where does the acronym LOTUS come from? Let Only Users Suffer.

The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!

Chuck Norris can open Microsoft Windows when he needs fresh air.

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus? GarageBend.

I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.

My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover? A: Your mouse pad.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.