Joke #2531

Where does the acronym LOTUS come from? Let Only Users Suffer.
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has 23.63 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: IT

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When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.
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has 69.49 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: IT
Q:Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain? A:Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, relationship
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
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has 25.67 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: IT
Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night: PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible. PC2: Why, what did you dream about ? PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!
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has 75.91 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT
The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
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has 20.85 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: IT
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
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has 84.97 % from 888 votes. More jokes about: IT, management
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: IT
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
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has 83.01 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, programmer