What can you serve that you cannot eat?
A tennis ball.
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Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Twenty teams in the league and you are in the last place?
Well, it could have been worse.
How?
There could have been more teams in the league!
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
When Chuck Norris goes to a BBL cricket game, he doesn't watch out for the big hits from the players, the big hits watch out for him!
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Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
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While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
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A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good.
The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany.
The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England."
"Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery.
Can you tell me when this took place?"
"Certainly," the man replies.
"About three minutes ago."
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it.
Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."