Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
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The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
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The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun.
The Earth is stationary.
The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
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Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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Chuck Norris thinks that anyone who can't survive cranial impact with a steam hammer simply isn't making an effort.
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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
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Chuck Norris jumped the grand canyon...longways
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Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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The reason Tom Cruise runs in all his movies is because he's running the hell away from Chuck Norris.
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