Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
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Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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Hurricanes are really just Chuck Norris breathing into the rain.
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The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris.
It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette
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Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks.
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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