Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris doesn't expect the unexpected. He knows the unexpected.
Mess with Chuck Norris, you get roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris can smell sound and hear touch.
Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke. The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.