What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits) The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, "Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife." Donnie says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Ronnie says, "Where did you get that beer, Donnie?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," Donnie replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", Donnie says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow." She said, "You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow." Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.