What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.