Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
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What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: Pussy.
Son: I don't get it.
Dad: Exactly...
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can’t wear your pants," she said.
"That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!"
She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.