Joke #3319

Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.