Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.
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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.
One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'
An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in."
She lets him in and goes "how can we help?"
The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.
She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?"
The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be.
What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner.
He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”