Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
Vote:
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.