Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man?
A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," said the patient.
"How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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